Closure after the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things to deal with. I am scared. Scared of losing the smells and the memories, Scared of losing the sounds associated with that person. I am scared of becoming overbearing. I am scared of pushing people away when I talk about my love for you. Every time I hear certain songs it reminds me of you. I wait for the phone to ring and hearing your Voice, but it will never come again. I wondered what your last words were. Tonight I found that answer. a massive concrete wall fell away from my shoulders. Knowing you loved me unconditionally releases every fibre of stress and pain. I am setting you free. Thankfully we have evolved and I can read and re read the e-mails we sent each other. they were never just ordinary e-mails, they we poetic. Each one carefully thought out, typed with difficulty but always with passion. I don’t care how pathetic my words sound to others. My pain is immense. I have not felt such emotions engulf me since the loss of my son. what keeps me going is my family, my children and friends who embrace me and hold me tight and send me messages of encouragement when I need them most.