Snippets of a 30 year battle to Sobriety

Published October 10, 2013 by Kappaloca

The following notes are from all the books and pieces of paper and messages I wrote down in books, diaries etc and had hidden all over my house. Nothing is in order. The dates are random and as I find them in books.for the sake of many I will refer to the person who drove so many nails into my coffin simply as “G”

31 Dec 2007

It’s Monday. The last day of the year. We are having a braai with the neighbours and by the looks of things we will enjoy this evening as G had just got over his 3 day drinking binge and ignored us all. Even retired to his chamber early and left us to enjoy the evening all by ourselves. We sat around the fire and had idle chit chat and braaied our meat at our own leisure. The neighbours husband also excused himself and me and Glynis sat waiting for the strike of midnight. At 12 I came inside and kissed my babies to wish them a Happy New year. I went to the room to wish G but all i got was a grunt. i decided to walk Glynis home and as we opened the front door a car came round the corner. Eben, marietjie and Elsabe got out the car and it was obvious that they had been partying all night. They were loud and laughed and spoke 30 decibells away from starting a Boeing. Eben lay on the horn of his car and the music balring from the speakers was mindblowing. Eben went into the house to wish G a Happy New year whilst Marietjie and Elsabe walked with Glynis and myself to see Glynis off. Eben had obviously seen that G was in no mood to accomodate them and invited me to go to Gert’s house for a drink and more festivities. G had no problem with me going and after an hour I walked back home by myself. No argument and no fuss.

I had my last cigarette at 12:50pm!!!!!!

Our first New year in a few years that went by without incident.

1 Jan 2008
We had been invited across the road for lunch to Henk and Erica’s and they day went without incident. we enjoyed a fabulous meal and just as we were due to leave our daughter arrived back from her holiday. She had spent a week in Gouritsmond with friends. My baby had a beautifull tan and even sported a few extra kilograms and freckles. We came home early and all decided to take a nap. Got up a few times to answer the phone but in general we had a most enjoyable day.
10 Aug 2009
Have endured 10 days of absolute silence!!!!!!

Friday 26 March 2010
G wanted to braai. I knew it would end up in disaster, so i made sure the food was ready by 4pm, but he arrived home only after 6:30pm. Pissed as a lord. Just knew in my gut it would be this way. Made sure kids are out of the way. Let the games begin. by games the mind fuck games. Him telling me how selfish and fucktup I am and how i dont care, how y food is shit and the kids are ill mannered because i dont tech them any manner and respect.
Yep another day in Paradise. OMW I just wish he would wake up and smell the coffee or at least look in the mirror and see the assehole looking back at him.
He got home drunk and still managed to finish off another 12 savanna’s and 3 Quarts of beer. The circus clown stopped his act at 3:45am. I am so drained.

Sunday 27 March 2010
We had some peace and quiet until round 10am and the game was back on. The never ending Insults are now just being shoved around and the whole neighbourhood are in on my hoaring around. They all know about me and my skanky behaviour. “They” phone him at work and tell him what goes on at home. Yeah really?????? by 7pm he’s gone down like a bad bag of potatoes. Out for the count.

Monday 29 March 2010
He is on Leave for the entire week. He never told me!! Now what?
Tinkering around the house and keeps finding fault with everything and every body.
we are going to Gariep dam for the weekend and he starts looking for the things that must go with. Washes the bakkie and scratches around under hood making sure all is in order.
Through out this time he sits around the house, does it with a Savanna in hand. He at least goes to bed early in evenings and leaves me and the kids alone.

Thursday 1 April 2010
it’s 6am and we are on our way. Having an awesome time and he stops as often as possible for the kids to stretch their legs and get some air as they are all 3 cooped up in the back with all our clothes for the long weekend ahead.
Friday through Sunday we enjoy a most memorable weekend. Lots of fun, laughter and visiting all the little places in and around the Gariep dam.

Friday 9April 2010
WTF Happened??? he has not touched a drink the whole week. Is this a new leaf?
Saturday through to Wednesday
Absolutely stunned. Not a single drop to this day.

Thursday 15 April 2010
Arrives home from work and i can smell the booze a mile away. He is in a shit mood.
Walks across road into bottle Store and come back with a sixpack Savanna’s and 4 Quarts of beer?????????????
I am so pissed off but cannot and dare not show it. WTF happened?
He goes to bed at 1:50am It took some controlled anger to calm him down and ignore him long enough for him to dissapear to his room and not come back out.

Friday 16 April 2010
I am in no mood to go anywhere with him and as he leaves for a Club Meeting. I prepare myself mentally for a bust up when he gets home. I had by now learnt never to go to sleep with pajamas on as i never knew when i would need to be fully clothed and ready to move or run. He finally roars in at 1:55am revving the crap out of the bakkie and because i knew it would just fuel him on if i even took one look at him i pretended to sleep. He came up to me and put his boot on my chest with such force that i thought he would break my ribs. I jumped to my feet and instantly started screaming at him asking him wtf was wrong with him. He went ballistic and found the torch and told me he would show me who’s the boss in this house. He took the torch and went outside. He started pushing stuff around and when he could not find what he was looking for came back in and asked me where the axe was. I went ice -cold and knew that I was heading for a whole level of different shit here. When I asked him why he wanted the axe he took a swing at me with the torch, nearly smacking me in the side of my face. This is no ordinary plastic torch this is a Industrial metal long handle torch and could have done some serious damage. I had pulled myself away just in time. He kept screaming and yelling at me and kept telling me to find the fucking axe NOW!!! as he was going to hack me up. I told him to shut up before he woke the neighbours and he took another swing at me. As I was on top of the stairs (2 Stairs) he did not really have any reach so I lifted up my foot and booted him backwards. He fell against his bike and then saw the axe. I knew this could end up very very bad and also knew instantly that I would have only a few seconds to react. I went for the axe same time as him and got to it before he did. In that instant the thought of swinging it at him went through my mind and it was only shear will power and common sense that stopped me. I turned to run into the house and he came after me. the front door was unlocked as I knew if he came home and tried the door and it was locked, he would have used that as an excuse too. I grabbed the handle of the door, turned it and yanked it open. Flew out the door and into the street. This amused him to no end and he simply started laughing and slammed the door shut. I heard him lock it and knew that tonight was the night that I would spend outside on the pavement. The children in their wisdom knew not to come out of their rooms at times like this and thankfully also did so this time. I had nowhere to go and could not wake anyone up at this ungodly hour of the morning, so I hid the axe next to the neighbours wall and walked down the road and round the block. I thought he would have gone to sleep, but could see him through the kitchen window. He was standing in the Kitchen eating food out of the pot with his hands. I eventually saw the bedroom light come on and knew once he went in there he would stay there, but still waited another 20 minutes to half hour. I climbed over the front garden wall and slowly and very quietly walked round the side of the house. I had collected the axe on my way back and had it in my hand. He had left the sliding door open, but that just gave me a false sense of hope that he had gone to sleep. It could also mean that it’s a trap. I crept up to the door and stood there silently, listening for what seemed like eternity. When I finally gathered the courage I took a few steps into the house and heard him take a long yawn. I froze, but also knew where the sound was coming from. I tiptoed to just outside the door and could see him through the creak of the door. a weight fell away from me. I could breathe. i knew he would not get up from that bed for a few hours. The time was 3:45am

Saturday 17 April 2010
As he had been booked for overtime he eventually got up and went and had a piss, washed his face and brushed his teeth. He came out the room and without looking at any of us simply walked out the door and drove off. By 2:30pm he was back and just sat and sulked the entire day. Just me myself, my thoughts and Silence.
and so the rest of the weekend passed with myself and the children walking on egg shells.

Monday 19 April 2010
He goes to work and I spend the day cleaning and doing the normal household chores. I keep asking myself why I am allowing this, but I could not answer myself. He came home from work, walked across the road and came back with 18 Savanna’s. He is still giving everyone in the house the silent treatment whilst he stands in the kitchen leaning against the Counter. The Savanna’s are not being drunk, he simply pours it down his throat. He downs the first 5 in a mere 40 min.
As the evening goes on he simply gets louder and his thoughts spill out over his lips. we can hear the mumbles and as he wipes and wipes the counter, he calls us Dumb Fucks, incompetent Cunts and eventually screams at all of us that we need to get the fuck out of his house as he will burn it down to the ground with all of us inside. I get a call on my cellphone from my sister to say that my dad has been taken up in Hospital and things do not look good. My dad had been diagnosed with Pneumonia and had gone to a Acupuncturist who had accidentally stuck the needle way to deep and it had punctured his Heart. He was on a respirator and they feared for his life. I had no one to tell. I could not cry. I dared not, as that would have sent him over the edge.

Tuesday 20 April 2010

I plucked up the courage and told him about my Dad’s Condition and that I wanted to go and see him. He snorted and asked me what it had to do with him? Not his problem and not his Family. I cringed but did not back off. I then TOLD him I wanted to go. 

He Refused and it resulted in another mass attack. I made up my mind. My Dad was more important than this ass-hole.

This is where I drew the Line. __________________________ I Took my Kids and Left.

I wrote him a letter with the Subject Line: Daddy Dearest. (See my previous Blog)

 

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