I have not written in a while. I have been emotionally and physically drained after an attack of my person by someone I least expected it from.
My son in law allowed my daughter to come visit with me and my family for a week. a week of absolute bliss, but let me put you in the picture here.
I was 15 when I fell pregnant with my child and she was taken from me directly after birth. She grew up always knowing she had been adopted and special, and then one day her teacher had a teaching on special children. Special children are children who had either survived trauma or was adopted. My daughter told her that she was special as she was adopted too. She busted her bubble and told her that if she was adopted her mommy was not her real mommy. The kids laughed at her and she went home crying. She was told the whole truth and always knew I was out there somewhere. and so she found me just before she turned twenty. (think I told this part before) My life had become complete the day she contacted me.
She grew up and got married and although we knew each other we never had much close contact other than social media and Telephone calls. Her husband is the most charming man and I was proud to have him as a son in law. Jovial and always laughing. Extremely Talented and He takes great care of my daughter and the kids. He is a fantastic dancer and loves to show off his talents. He worked hard to give them everything of the best. Being in the mining Industry is hard work and meant lots of time away from home. He took on several long contracts overseas and also signed up to go to Russia for five years. I think that somewhere here things had started going wrong. Very, very wrong. He came home for a two week holiday but became moody and aggressive and started sneaking out the house and odd hours. When he came back home the excuses were unbelievable. The aggression became more intense and soon he lost his job. He was sent back and relieved of his contract duties in Russia.
He applied for another Job outside the Borders and asked me to take care of the kids so my daughter could come visit him for a week. I flew up and the time spent with my two grandchildren was phenomenal. I don’t get to see them much so it was a very special time for us. a week after I came home my daughter phoned me and we spoke on the phone for a long time. She told me he would be home for a break in two weeks, but also told me she had concerns about his mood swings. She could not put a finger on it or tell me what it was. When he did come home he phoned me and we had a lovely chat.He kept thanking me for looking after the kids and that we should do so again soon. I was thrilled.
Well that did not happen as just the very next weekend my daughter drove the 3 hours to the airport to send him off, but as she arrived back home the phone rang and she was asked to immediately return to the airport to collect him. When she arrived she had to wait for the plane to land and was totally oblivious as to what had happened. She thought he had been laid off again, but what transpired next I do not wish on my worst enemy. He was carried off the plane on a stretcher. His entire face was cover in blood and he was unable to speak. He was a mess and his eyes had also swollen shut. He was whisked off to hospital and she had to wait almost three days before he could write down what had happened to him. His jaw had to be reconstructed and wired in place. He wrote down on paper to her that he had tried to stop a fight between workers about half an hour after stepping off the plane and was then severely beaten by bystanders who had mistaken him as the instigator.
Some time later I got a phone call from my daughter telling me that she had taken the kids and moved out of the house.
He was a drug Addict!!!! He has used “Cat” Cocaine. Cat is also a slang name, given to the stimulant drug called methcathinone. It can be snorted or inhaled and is highly addictive.
This explained the moods swings and the aggressive behaviour. Explained the stuff disappearing from the house. The late nights. The phone calls in the dead of night. It took a full year and a half of him promising to seek help and getting drug free. and then she went back. Back to him and the endless fights over the time she had spent away from him. Accusations of her not being truthful and jealousy took over or so she thought. She was flattered by the fact that it made him jealous to think of her with another man although she had been 100% faithful to him. They went to counselling together. Did the whole shebang and moved back in with each other so the kids could have a stable house again.
Then he finally allowed her to come for a visit. All was wonderful. She kept in contact with him daily and even hourly. He overslept on two mornings and the kids stayed out of school. To him it was funny. To her it was concern. On the weekend before she left we went to my other daughter for dinner and her phone kept going off so in a joking manner I took it off her hands and sent him a voicenote saying thank you for letting us have her for a week, but what is the use if he keeps her so busy on the phone that we don’t get a chance to speak to her. I sent the message. We giggled about it and I still mentioned how quiet the phone had gone. I knew he would see the funny side of it. The evening carried on and nothing was said about it again.
Three days later we said our very sad good-byes as we saw her off at the Bus Station. We made plans for a next visit or to either send my grand daughter down here to visit or me to go up to them.
The very next evening I received a call from my daughter to ask me to please explain to him why I had sent that dreadful message and I then heard him scream ans cuss in the background calling her a Whore and telling her she is just as F#@t-up as her mother. He cussed me to the depth of hell and back and told her to put the phone down and never ever call me again.
I felt like someone had picked me up and physically thrown me against a brick wall. Slammed the breath out of my lungs. I had been Abused by an Alcoholic for most of my adult life and it took years and years to forgive and carry on with my Life and now I had to not just listen to my daughter being Abused but the Abuse is directed back at me as well. Every word echoing the past and the words I heard and endured a thousand times.
I have not heard from my daughter in over three weeks now and it is ripping me apart. My entire world has caved in. I am not allowed to have contact with her. She does not answer my calls or messages.
My Beautiful Son in Law has been sucked in by the Drug Monster.
There is no Control in the lives of people who give themselves to the pressures of the Drug Lords who live only to enrich them self. The attack on him was done by those Drug Lords whom he had owed money to. They had waited for him just outside the airport the day he went back to work. The had to do Damage Control to make it known that their Goods does not come Free and so Never will he. They have set their claws in deep. The consequences of the lives they destroy of no interest to them.
I am totally heartbroken and devastated. I have no energy to get up and I lie awake for hours and blame myself for what I had done. I have become and insomniac. Why had I sent that stupid message? ????
I was so grateful for the time we got to spend together and now it feels like I had lost her again. The pain won’t go away.
Maybe I should do my own bit of Damage Control. I can think of so many things to do to him, but fear holds me back. Fear of what he could do to my daughter or worse, my grand children.
For now all I can do is Cry. Cry for my beautiful daughter and my precious grand children.