Survived, Survivor, Dealing with it. Or am I?

Published August 23, 2013 by Kappaloca

Through the Years I have kept leaflets, notes, and written down in little manuscript books the things that came to mind and the things done to me by not just my Abusive Husband but the little incidents from even before I got married. Some were buried deep down in my memory bank.

My abuse is not just by the hands of one man. I am a Survivor of a few.

Do I put them in Print?

Do I leave it and let my kids find the books or the documents I have stored on my Computer after I have left this earth?

Can I have them Published?

Who would want to read about what happened to me?

Am I guilty of letting these men get away with what they did?

Can they still be prosecuted?

Is it worth the effort?

Who would Believe me?

Is the Justice System really helping the “Victims”?

So many questions and so few answers for myself. I do know most of the answers but am afraid of acting on them.

For years I kept searching myself and asking myself how much blame was in my court.

Well today I believe firmly that each and every person who had endured prolonged abuse has a little bit of blame in their Court. We are to blame for not speaking out or acting faster. Now don’t beat yourself up about it either as, as much as I am saying this just as much was I a part of this statistic. I had plenty of opportunity to leave and not come back, but I kept lying to myself by believing that the next time going back things would be fine.

It normally did go well for a few days, sometimes weeks and on occasion even a month went by that things were normal. By normal I mean there was effort on his side to behave and not find fault or explode at the flip of a switch. Then off Course the slightest thing would send hi over the edge and all actions and argument was justified from his point of view.

How does one change an entire society of angry people who take their frustrations out on children or their partners? Where does education start? Are these abusers born that way or are we raising them to be abusers?

I have vowed to my son that if he ever, ever lifts his hands to a woman he would not see the sun come up the next day. Yeah I know threatening him is not the way to get the message across, but I also provide him with the alternatives to getting angry. If more mothers raised their sons to respect women and raise their daughters not to become involved with men who are easily angered many of these evils can be stopped.

Court Orders, Divorce, Taking the Kids and many other reasons can  trigger emotion in the partners that can send them over the edge.

I have found these webpages and it is packed with information on dealing with ALL kinds of abuse.




“Unfortunately research also tell us that leaving is one of the most common triggers for being killed.”


2 comments on “Survived, Survivor, Dealing with it. Or am I?

  • I understand your hesitancy to write about it. I also kept journals of my journey so my children could one day read and understand. Then, God told me to write a book. So, my book is about to be released. I would just tell you to pray and let God lead you and as He guides you, He will protect you. Many blessings to you!!!

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